I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
