Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
