He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
