i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I believe in your delicious
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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