its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
