At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
