i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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