i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
