now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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