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I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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