no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
