my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
