I cockslap morals
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
