I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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