You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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