My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
