how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
