I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
