One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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