it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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