I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if only i could text you this smell
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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