When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
