I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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