have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
