Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
