the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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