Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
