Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we're so committed to being not committed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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