I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
