Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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