The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
