MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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