i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
