Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
