Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
