oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
