Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
last night I used snow as a chaser
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
