my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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