At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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