this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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