Umm I'm too high to move.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
