Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
