walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
