OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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