Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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