dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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