it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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