Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
