I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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