On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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