I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
