i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
