I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
