well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
